I Have Them All Fooled!

The credit card companies think that I'm a grown-up and a world-wide corporation thinks that I'm a grown-up, does that make me a grown-up?

Extended Aways Are A Myth

The mornings come earlier and earlier these days so I had better make the most of the nights.

It'll Even Out In The End

The pride that I experienced due to my efficiency at work tonight is almost entirely overshadowed by my fear that I've forgotten to do something important.

Lightning Flashes

All around me, thunder crashes so loudly that car alarms are set off for miles.

As Close To A Country Song As You'll Find In "These Parts"

After he kissed me and grabbed his guitar, he jumped into the back of a pick-up truck headed towards his destiny.

Blue Moon

I may have finally found the windowseat I've always hoped for, in the most unlikely of locations.

I'm A Big Kid Now

The joy that comes from actually being able to create a budget now that I've gotten my promotion is entirely more exciting than it has any right to be.

It Happens More Than You'd Think

Sometimes I check my own blog in the morning to make sure that I haven't posted in my sleep.

Shoddy Workmanship

I outright refuse to purchase a mass market paperback and will go to great lengths to replace all such editions given to me with with trade paper or cloth versions.

Ready Or Not - And Don't Look Back

Take a deep breath - one, two, three - Jump!

A Hidden World Just Beyond The Edge Of Perception

Today I saw a mailbox along a stretch of road that was nothing but woods and I wondered to whom it might belong.

Watching Waiting Rising Falling Listening Calling Drifting

Watching him play from my little mentally-walled-off part of the bar, I can actually relax enough to enjoy the show.

We Only Come Out At Night

I'd love to climb up a mountain and lie on my back under the stars, gazing up into eternity.

I Read Your Book And I Find It Strange That I Know That Girl And I Know Her World A Little Too Well

The process of cataloging my books is not wholly unlike excavating the site of my youth.

Please Be Okay. Please.

I'm so worried about my little puppy.

Newfound Respect For The Plight Of The "Hunt-and-Peck'ers"

What I wouldn't do for a standard numerical keypad right about now.

I Don't Want To Wonder If This Is A Blunder

But what if I am getting in over my head?

Apres Moi, Le Deluge

I cannot help but feel dramatic with such music about.

Twinkle Twinkle Little Star

Watching the embers of a slowly dying fire twinkle like the lights on a Christmas tree from an idealized childhood allows me to drift off in peace.

Never Again Will She Be Alone

I am someone's Irish Rose.

And A Piece Slides Into Place

Tonight, while putting books on the shelf by candle and lamplight, attended by my dogs (who were seeking my company due to the approaching storm), is the first time I've truly felt this as 'my room'.

Eyes Open, Arms Wide

My chance viewing of the heat lightning illuminating the previously undetectable levels of clouds makes me wonder what else may have escaped my notice.

Five Dollar Wisdom

Everybody needs help sometime.

Timing Is Everything

A touch of kindness from across the sea and across town makes the stress of one's family that much more bearable.

Those Who Cannot Protect Themselves

I have always been, am, and will always be a protector of children and animals.

We Must Be Careful About What We Pretend To Be

As I was sitting in my nephew's bedroom, I looked around at his toys and books and realized that I am not nearly as removed from my childhood as I would like to believe that I am.

Be Kind To Those Who Sacrifice Their Lives To Further Your Own

I cannot help but feel especially bad for the lobsters waiting to be bought for dinner, not for the end result of being boiled while alive, but rather the weeks of starvation leading up to that point.

Every Man Has A Rainy Corner of His Life Whence Comes Foul Weather Which Follows Him

Why must I always dream of winter during summer and spring during winter?

Do You Realize How Idiotic You Sound?

People who refer to themselves in third person or in the 'Royal We" should be smacked.

Deine Schritte Sind So Schön

There are some days when only German industrial metal will do.

When Life And Computers Exist In Parallel

To update and restart but risk losing everything or to live with not ever knowing of what might have been: which is worse?

It's The Time Of The Season For Loving

Life is too short to hold such disdain for certain seasons - there are things to love about each.

You're Always On My Mind

After realizing that if I had taken the medicine prescribed for my migraines with the medicine prescribed for my craziness I could have died from internal bleeding, I lost the rest of my already meager amount of trust in the medical professionals in my life.

But Everything Looks Perfect From Far Away

You cannot take the pictures with you.

License Numbers And Their Affect On The Known World

How would my life change if my parents were never really married?

The Groaning City In The Gathering Dark

The summer twilight sky was the color of the dress blues worn by the young soldiers waiting to be sent off to see their first and final battles, far away from home.

My Secret Garden

I'm going to grow beautiful plants and make a peaceful garden filled with life and stone walkways and ivy covered arches and no one can stop me!

Being True To Yourself Shouldn't Be This Painful To Others

The look in my father's eyes when he saw my tattoo was worse than when he learned that I had intended to move out without his permission, the oddness of which does not escape my grasp.

Hidden Colors

Even though no one can see my tie dye bootlaces, they make me feel happy.

Nervousness Makes My Voice Shake

I have never been more thankful for the "press three to listen to your message" and "press four to rerecord your message" voice mail options than I am this morning while attempting to leave a message for the man who will play a deciding role in my future.

Dream A Sweet Dream For Me

I found my glass pen today while cleaning and I suddenly wished for beautiful words to commit to paper while sitting under a shady tree with a cat curled up at my feet.

I Cannot Shed These Tokens Of My Past So Easily

My day, in art.

Bring On The Wonder

It is truly amazing the difference a day can make.

Think What You May Have Missed

The lost sleep was totally worth it.

Take A Little Trip With Me

I am thrilled to finally have the time to read all of the books that I have amassed throughout the years - each one containing an entire world that I now have the privilege of exploring.

It Seems That Silence In This Modern Age Is So Very Hard To Find

I wrap myself in thoughts until they smother me.

In My Heart I Remain A Clever Imposter

It is utterly exhausting to have to pretend to be happy and cheerful when you are anything but.

Speaking For Those Who Have No Voices Of Their Own

They tore down my flowers because they were deemed 'not pretty enough' by a board of meddling old biddies with nothing better to do than to destroy the self esteem of helpless young plants and then having the audacity to charge us for it.

Because, This Is Totally Helpful

On the day of the highly anticipated change of OS, my hard drive died upon restarting - leaving me without my old system and with but a teasing taste of the new one.

Simple Truth

A full pantry is a happy pantry, but an empty wallet is a sad wallet, so it is highly fortunate that my happiness is not particularly attached to my current level of wealth.

Why Does This Make Me So Sad?

"Oh, let him have his day in the sun."

Modern Day Icarus

Last night I dreamt that I could fly but I got cancer from being too close to the power lines.

I Used To Sing On The Mountains, Then The Ocean Lost Its Way

The waves of silence that have been lapping at my feet for so long have finally overtaken me.

And If I Said, "O It's In Your Head On This Sea-Drift Sun," What Can You Do?

And now I have a difficult decision to make: I can either feel good emotionally or I can feel good physically- one or the other, but not both.

More Unkindness Than Anyone Should Endure

After revisiting my youth in conversation with her tonight, I've come to the conclusion that she needs to get out there as soon as possible.

Disappointing But True

Just because it is organic does not mean that it will be tasty.

A Bit Of Blunt Honesty

The only reason why I want to get married sooner than later is because I'd like for it to happen while my grandmother still knows who I am.

In Time Grass Becomes Milk

Having unwavering faith in someone, despite all of their attempts to convince you that they are hopeless, is a very important thing to do.

At A Snail's Pace

Slowly, ever so slowly, the gaps are being bridged.

Leave Me Swinging With The Breeze

There are few things sweeter than sitting on a porch swing during a warm summer thunderstorm with the one that you love, arm in arm.

And I Never Wish To Escape

American Gods is one of those rare books that within mere moments of opening the cover you will have been wholly engulfed by the world that had lain in wait for you to stumble, foolishly, close by.

No, It's Not Me

Is it odd that my first thought upon hearing that my leg might have to be amputated is that I am going to miss my toes?

From A Little Shell At The Bottom Of The Sea

Hurricane Season is my favorite part of summer because it is only after a very bad storm that treasures from the deep can be found at low tide without hordes of tourists crushing them beneath their feet.

Let The Sunshine In

This would be a whole lot funnier if I wasn't so afraid of the future it foretells.

A Legitimate Excuse

I cannot help but feel that calling into work when you are actually sick is a waste of an opportunity to escape the doldrums of a normal working day and experience something new.

When You Dream About Death, This Is The Sort Of Post You Might Make

Can you imagine how difficult and time consuming it must be to match dental records to a dead person's teeth?

There Are Many Things Worse Than Death

Just because I support the pro-choice movement does not mean that I do not mourn the loss of life.

They Are The Future

Watching children as young as eight perform The Tempest in the original Shakespearean English is very humbling and inspiring.

Vibrating Quicker Than The Eye Can See

Today I took advantage of the 'Buy Two Get One Free' sale at work to buy six new books but now I am at a virtual standstill as I attempt to decide which one to read first.

Oh, My Kingdom For An Elephant

My childhood memories of the circus are directly at odds with my knowledge of how they tend to treat their animals and it is for that reason that I am uncertain if I will ever attend again.

Single Mothers

There has been a rash of virgin births recently.

Little Hideaway

Whenever I need to think or to lose myself, I drive on long stretches of highway while listening to music and singing at the top of my lungs - all by myself.

Impactful Forgetfulness

I'm so afraid that I am going to forget to tell them something important that will end up having a great impact on my diagnosis.

Chin Up, Put On A Pair Of These Roseys

You know that you've been working in retail too long when you can be on the verge of breaking and still be able to pass off a smile and a hearty 'hello-how-are-you' as genuine.

I Catch A Brief Reflection Of What You Could And Might Have Been

As I sat in my car mourning the surprise death of my friend, I realized that if we had not stayed at that awful place I may never have found out.

But As The Scenery Grows, I See In Different Lights

The idea that this might be my last semester at CFCC would be exciting if I wasn't so unsure about the steps that come after.

The More You Know

I feel like this today.

Wee!

I get an inordinate amount of joy from making graphs from my schedule information.

Fleeing From Myself, To Myself

When I don't take my medicine my mind starts to fragment and expand until it becomes difficult to grasp and I enjoy the experience until I remember where such things tend to lead.

Sleeping With Ghosts

What could be more romantic than ghost hunting in European castles?

I'm Not Really That Unknowing

Sometimes I pretend not to know about something that I do, in fact, know about in order to have an opportunity to listen to someone speak.

Sentinels Don't Make Good Pillows

A puppy looking out of the window while laying on the bed makes a good pillow - until something outside catches her attention and she shifts from pillow-mode to sentinel-mode.

And Peace All Around May Be Your Fortune

With the quality of the rest of a woman's life potentially hanging in the balance, I am afraid to be hopeful.

Have I Failed Her?

Discovering a box of books from my childhood is like unearthing a time capsule of who I wanted to be when I grew up.

Please Be Careful, I Exist In Someone Else's Head

I feel like a feather that is drifting in the wind, aimlessly.

To Boldly Go Where No Man Has Gone Before

I am thrilled to be living in an era where science fiction is rapidly turning into science fact.

I Want To Go!

I get very upset when I see people going to far off lands simply to be able to tell their well-to-do friends that they've been there, instead of wanting to go there for the place itself.

Escape Is Imminent

Sometimes I feel that my soul or consciousness or what have you is not very well attached to this moral coil and may break free at any moment.

We Are Not As So Far Removed As We Would Like To Think

Reading about the Kent State Shootings has reaffirmed my fear that the freedoms in the "Land of the Free" are truly more of an illusion than a reality.

Open Your Eyes and Wake Up

The world has gone mad and it seems like hardly anyone has noticed.

Take A Look Around

Beauty is everywhere.

I Need To Work On That

Upon imagining my mother's funeral and being asked to speak, my reaction is always the same, "I don't really have anything to say".

I Couldn't Tell You How It Really Was

When I phoned to check her condition after the surgery, I could not be certain if she was really pleased to hear from me, or if it was simply the drugs speaking.

Holding You Is Like Cupping Water

Damn you, writers of House, for making me think about things that I don't want to have to face right now...that I do not want to be real.

She's Not Chosen This Path

Observing my great aunts interacting with my grandmother gives me a peek into a possible future that I am afraid of.

Bitchin' Birthday

I must admit that seeing my mother get angry over "Stitch And Bitch" and not being able to punish me was a particularly delightful joy.

Only Love Can Live In My Dream

Sleep is my refuge.

I Always Try To Imagine Them As Innocent, Hopeful Children

I think that there must be some sort of compassion-removal process when you become a teacher at a community college because I refuse to believe that they were this heartless before.

Somewhere Out There

The possibility that this newfound planet may contain life is brimming with incredible excitement and, admittedly, some reservations about what the inhabitants of this planet may do with this information.

But The Music's Got The Magic, It's Your One Chance For Escape

I found out tonight that I am going to be taught violin by the Concert Master of the Wilmington Symphony Orchestra for free.

Happiness Is Not A Fish You Can Catch

I hope it works this time.

Maybe You Might Have Some Advise To Give On How To Be Insensitive

I cannot stand sitcoms because they make me feel so uncomfortable when embarrassing situations arise, no matter how 'comedic' they may be.

I'll Wish, And The Thunder Clouds Will Vanish

Note To Self : Stop feeling weird all of the damn time, it's getting old.

Time Slips Away From You

I've always loved the front porch on the house in which I grew up: wrought iron railings, plenty of room for potted plants and dogs and cats and wishing upon stars before bed.

It's The Hip New Place To Be

Today I went to the laundromat for the first time and the only person I made eye contact with was a three year old boy, with whom I share an affinity for Starbursts.

Laughter Is Wonderful

I never tickled Bob, but now I wish that I had.

And Whisper'd

The house does seem unnaturally quiet now and I am not entirely sure how that makes me feel.

I Wish That Things Were Different

Whenever I listen to songs about relationships between fathers and daughters or between mothers and daughters I always get amazingly sad - moved to tears.

What Is One To Do?

I have, in one of my away messages, a quote in which the phrase, "God damn it" happens to occur and for some reason my mother (and now, thanks to her overwhelming concern, my father) have decided to send a message to me stating that, "it is offensive and that (I) should change it" every time they see the away message.

Buvons à Nos Souvenirs

Evenings filled with people and refreshments and activities is just enough distraction to divert my attention away from the other things.

Yay - Crutches!

Even when you are keenly aware of how lucky you are to have an ability, having it taken away is a very eye-opening experience.

Utter Disbelief

"I think you're beautiful."

I'm So Glad It's Over

The IRS: the super nice people who can make you be so afraid that you forget your own zip code.

Math Test Vs Photography

The lamp is casting some lovely shadows tonight and the leaves are glistening with dew.

Parsley, Sage, Rosemary And Thyme

If I tell you that I cannot do the things that you ask of me, let me know that if at least I try then I'll be your true love.

Wash Away The World

I dearly wish that it would rain.

Why Yes, I Do Have Sunday Off...

I originally set up my work schedule in such a way as to avoid the entire 'dealing with family' issue but then that part of my mind (subset 1) was overpowered by the part of my mind (subset 2) that either (a) enjoys seeing my mind (subset 1) in uncomfortable situations or (b) realizes that this may be one of the last Easters when my grandmother will actually know what is going on - and switched shifts so that those two events may take place.

Reasons Why I'm Glad B&N Has Carpet

It's always frightening when you see someone else's interpretation of your mindset without having any knowledge of you in any way.

I Wish Things Were Different

I don't want to miss out on the festivities but after everything, I don't know how comfortable I would be going over there.

Unwelcome Visitor

These acute bouts of depression make me worry that it might be coming back to stay.

I Was Starting At The Sky, Just Looking For A Star

I wish that I had more time.

Does Summer Come For Everyone?

What are you afraid of?

Life Imitates Life

After seeing a little red fox last night, I realized that it had no fear of us, and for the first time in ages, I felt like all the bad things that are constantly happening may eventually even themselves out.

Balls Of Goo!

Chandra doesn't like sticky balls in her hair but she does love to throw them against various materials to watch them slowly ooze off!

I Lost My Head Again

Around nine o'clock tonight, I realized that it was Thursday and not only have I not done this week's homework but I've been neglecting my blog.

The Clock Never Stops, Never Stops, Never Waits

The past feels closer than the present and it is getting more and more noticeable every day.

Can Humans Do What Prophets Say?

I feel that I was born to live a life of great purpose, but the thought, "Is this all there is? Is this truly what I was set forth to accomplish?" only strikes me when I am doing nothing at all to work towards that end result due to lack of motivation or lack of time.

It's The Rarity That Makes Them So Precious

Kind words, freely given and with no underlying intention, are often the most piercing and far reaching of them all.

Why Do They Hate Our Mother Earth?

At work, I always ask people if they need a bag today because I feel that it is important to conserve petroleum products whenever possible and it frustrates me to no end when healthy people demand a bag for a single item (doubly so when that sing item is a magazine that is already in a bag!).

But We Cannot Cling To The Old Dreams Anymore

I'm tired of feeling so damn alone in my own home.

I Dig It When You Have A Smile On Your Face

It is truly the small things in life that reaffirm that all is not for naught.

These Things Happen

Dan thinks I'm crazy.

Nothing Really Matters

Little actions cease to matter almost immediately while the more 'impressive' events simply require one to zoom further out from the time line for the ramifications to cease to exist.

It Just Wasn't Like The Old Days Anymore

I'm so afraid of losing everything that which I love that, at times, it leaves me unable to properly function until the thought passes, which makes me feel positively helpless.

Echoes

I often dream of places I've never seen and people I've never met so I frequently wonder why they are calling and how best to answer them.

It's A Sin To Be Fading Endlessly

But what I am to do with this new information?

But It Never Made Sense To Them Anyway

On the way home from work tonight, the Cat Power song "I Don't Blame You" from the album "You Are Free" came on my ipod and it was suddenly as if one part of my consciousness was speaking to another part, "You are free. I don't blame you for not knowing. No one seems to anymore."

They Made My Back Hurt.

I had my first "damn teenagers" moment tonight and I've never felt more old.

Farewell, Dear Friend

Words cannot properly describe the spectrum of emotions I felt tonight when I was oh-so-offhandedly informed that a dog that I've grown up with died several weeks ago and no one had the decency to tell me.

But It's Calm Under The Waves, In The Blue Of My Oblivion

The idea of being the reincarnation of a lost princess of a underground kingdom who must go through various trials and tasks strikes a chord deep within me asking, "Where is my labyrinth?".

Pastimes: Something With Which To Pass The Time

Now for something directly to the point: I hadn't realized how much I missed playing D&D until very recently.

For The Love Of Anything Vaguely Holy, Vagina!

Vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina.

Watching and Interpreting

The way his father and step-mother interact, as compared to the way my parents interact is incredibly eye-opening and, in some ways, it makes me very sad.

Apple Blossoms and Snowflakes

This odd cusp of seasons leaves me wanting spring to be here now and yet, I find myself still (simultaneously) holding on to the last hopes of snow.

Mmm...dorkiness!

I'd love to have dinner with Benjamin Folds and Alfred Yankovic and you cannot convince me otherwise.

Good Morning Sunshine!

The absolute best way to wake up is by someone yelling at you about something you thought to be insignificant and because of the way they are ranting on about it makes it impossible for you to convey to them that you understand where they are coming from.

Springing Eternal

I'm still trying to figure out just how you can look at me the same way, after all of this time.

There's This Girl I Can't Get Out Of My Head

I miss my best friend.

Sugar Loaf

My skin smells the way that a child's does after s/he comes inside from playing on a spring day.

I'm Sorry or Tick Tock

Sometimes I worry that he's right about me and I just don't know it yet.

Happiness Is Not A Fish You Can Catch

I've come to the realization that happiness is something that occurs, overwhelmingly, in tiny moments and should be held onto with all of one's might because that is the best, nay, only way to make it through the intermediate times.

Why Is that?

Sometimes the words of others can more accurately describe one's feelings than one's own words.

Manifestations

When you hear a knocking in the bathroom, it's best not to call out to it unless you are prepared for the reply.

We Are Evil And Divine

I need not venture outside of my mind for these things, for why would I wish to leave the livid, fanciful colors and architecture that I have created?

Waiting Room Plants

The plants in my living room make me feel as if I am in a medical waiting room - like I'm perpetually waiting for something and I haven't the faintest idea what that something may be.

I Can't Find Meaning

As I was sitting in the hallway waiting to register for my mini-session classes, Our Lady Peace's Is Anybody Home? started playing and I suddenly felt as if I was sinking through the floor.

Defeatest

I'm always afraid of getting excited about something for fear of it not working out.

Time Management

How ironic is it that I took a job at a bookshop so that I could have money to buy books that I now do not have time to read because of the job that I took to buy the books in the first place?

American Priorities

I cannot understand why America, one of the richest countries in the world, cannot afford to take care of the medical needs of its people.

For Where Have They Gone?

The fear of misplaced thoughts is the driving force behind my fervent obsession with writing.

Bewitched

Only in the 60's would they show a pregnant woman drinking martinis on television.

Ever So Slightly

There are times, when he is away at practice, I can feel the house move.

Shallow Water

I have been dreaming almost every night about walking in shallow water - be it low tide at the ocean or through a stream - and I wonder what that means.

Transient Moral Debate

As I was falling asleep last night, I thought of the entry that I wanted for the next day but as I made my best effort to commit it to memory, I knew it would be futile, if not entirely against the spirit of the blog.

Dweller on the Threshold

I'm starting to get comfortable at work and that often seems to be the precursor of something dramatic.

Current Events

After being on the phone with my mother for almost two hours, I realized that the void between our respective views of the world is wider than I had previously imagined.

Peter Pan

Not even peanut butter is safe anymore.

REM

My dreams are starting to feel more like reality and the edges of reality are starting to dissolve like sugar into hot tea.

Mother Cloning

When I expressed concern over turning into my mother at some point in my life, my cousin oh so articulately pointed out, "You don't have to worry about it, because you're far too Sarah," I suddenly felt as if sleep would not be avoiding me any longer.

Unnerving

Coming into an unlocked house is particularly frightening when you realize that you have to deal with whatever you find behind that door all by yourself - alone.

Distance

The most helpless feeling comes from not being able to physically be there for someone when they are in need because despite all of the good that can come from text-only communication, it falls sharply short of a real hug.

All The Wrong Reasons

Sometimes I feel like the only reason why certain people in my life love me is because of the things that I can do for them.

Asleep

Happiness is looking around your living room and realizing that everyone is sleeping peacefully in your presence.

Dinner And A Movie

It's quite spectacular how such a stereotypical evening (in theory) can make you feel so much closer to someone that you've known for years, but, perhaps, every truly known until now.

Visitation

To have awoken on this morning to find that Spring has come to visit me brings my spirit aloft and fills it with hope.

Battle or Such Is His Gift To Me

At the end of a day filled with wonderful activities that which fought to keep my mind in the present and away from the abyss, his final smile and words, "Birthday Girl!" were enough to carry me through the night on the wings of hope.

Does It Make Things Any More Real?

Why is it that I often find myself back at this page of my own creation, staring at the words that I've strung together, struggling to ground myself in their supposed meaning?

Birthday

With every passing year my birthday feels increasingly less real.

Frostbitten Flowers

I always feel badly for the flora here because due to the craziness that is Wilmington weather they never know when Spring is truly here, and when it is only Winter masquerading as Spring.

Hugs

A wise woman once said, "The internet is ineffective when it comes to conveying hugs," and sadly, she could not be more correct.

Colors

Here's a cheery thought: imagine the day that we look through our telescopes and discover that our red shift has gone blue.

Retrospective Regret

No one should ever be sick on their birthday, but that doesn't stop me from wishing that I'd taken the (albeit small) gift to her when I was informed that she was feeling better.

Biorhythm

This perpetual cycle of feelings of overwhelming sadness, senseless panic, and irrational happiness is slowly driving me mad - not because of the feelings themselves but because I cannot pinpoint their origin.

Farewell

It is my supreme displeasure, dearest tree, to inform you that you have but one week to remain in our lives and I can but offer you my condolences - the worthlessness of which I am painfully aware.

A Can Of Paint And A Straight Razor

Discussing renovation plans makes everything seem more permanent.

Urges

Sometimes I have this overwhelming desire to cover myself with tattoos - to be engulfed by beautiful art.

Heather's Funeral

I think that her passing was not nearly as painful as watching people that I've grown up with in such pain.